As an Environmental Health Specialist, part of my job is to investigate foodborne illness complaints. Nine times out of ten the complaint’s go unresolved, cause unknown, as the complainer only assumes the last thing they ate is the thing that made them sick. This is rarely the case. Some bugs, in fact, take several days […]
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“Hangout for a sec,” said Scott. “I’ve got to grab some snacks.” “Wait, I’ll come too.” “No, no, you stay. I parked funnily. Move it if you have to.” “Funnily? Is funnily even a word?” I smiled. “Whatever, just watch the truck, keys are in it.” “Fine. Get me a couple snickers then–and an iced […]
Continue reading →Funny little bottle of dog and cat repellant I found during an inspection…you think they could have used a more fearsome breed in the illustration than what appears to be a West Highland White Terrier. Take that you Westies, take that!
Continue reading →To whom it may concern: I am writing to implore you to reconsider the comfort level of your current line of recliners and sofas. It is my sincere belief that it’s the abuse of this very comfort that is playing a major role in America’s health problems. As I’m sure you realize through your marketing […]
Continue reading →To Whom It May Concern: I first want to applaud you and your team for the years of marketing and research that has led to a line of products so ubiquitous and flavorful that it is indeed very hard to avoid their convenience or binge-snacking temptation. For who among us that finds themselves in front […]
Continue reading →I was lying in a hammock stretched between two thick trees at the end of a long dirt road. Someone had strung the thing up a few weeks ago and damn if it didn’t make a fine place to while away an afternoon with a good book. The maple’s broad leaves did their best to collect all […]
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A windrow of thick trunks along the road. The scene resolves to black and white and I picture the day when those giants were sown. Burlap sacks of seedlings line the dirt road. Their leaves as big as when mature; Their trunks but twigs, puppies with giant mismatched paws. A man in overalls foots a […]
Continue reading →The next morning was quite chilly, the Sun diffuse through high thin clouds, and I missed my warm coat, having already donated my old one to the Salvation Army. My coat and I were surely out of the honeymoon phase of our brief time together, oh you wild ride cathexis. I wasn’t wearing her anymore […]
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Oh Sun. Oh dictator. Your harsh rule imposed upon Death Valley’s landscape in scorched-earth oppression, yet you can’t stifle the inspirative power of a cool Spring rain whispered to the dormant roots of the downtrodden. You can’t hold down the heat-beaten green from a fugitive show of defiance in the face of your hot, dry […]
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Last night it rained for the first time in a good long while. This morning, sitting at my desk, the sounds are different… car tires on their way to work peel the water off the street, ravens all a-gossip early, and there are frogs peeping before sunup…frogs in the desert! In February! That will give […]
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