As an Environmental Health Specialist, part of my job is to investigate foodborne illness complaints. Nine times out of ten the complaint’s go unresolved, cause unknown, as the complainer only assumes the last thing they ate is the thing that made them sick. This is rarely the case. Some bugs, in fact, take several days to get the GI party started. The funny thing is that when I try and explain to someone that it’s probably their own nasty kitchen dish sponge that sent their bung a’quivering to the smallest room of the house, I’m the one talking out of my ass.

This investigation was different however. This one had a smoking gun that took only seconds to find. I introduced myself, and took a few steps inside the facility. “Well, there’s your problem,” I said, pointing to the dry erase board. Case closed.