To whom it may concern:

I am writing to implore you to reconsider the comfort level of your current line of recliners and sofas. It is my sincere belief that it’s the abuse of this very comfort that is playing a major role in America’s health problems.

As I’m sure you realize through your marketing research, that many, many Americans spend an inordinate amount of time doing nothing but watching the television, playing video games, and to the disappointment of many a septic system, stuffing fistfuls of cheese puffs into their sizable pie holes. They have taken your company name to new lows of lazy boy-ness, which has for some time now led to an entire segment of the population being labeled, whether they know it or not, as “couch Potatoes.” I would argue that associating with this moniker is not something that La-Z-Boy Inc. would care for, and I propose a new line of products that, while still incredibly comfortable, would have mechanisms in place to prohibit abuse.

Imagine a smart couch; one who’s cushions could sense an ass in their grasp and begin a countdown clock. At the end of a sensible allotted time, the cushions would grow firm and uncomfortable, and the lounger be forced to get up. After 15 minutes or so, the couch would return to its original comfort level whereby the user could resume their sloth but not after that 15-minute, heart healthy reprieve.

Please consider this. It will be not only boosting American productivity in a time of duress, but also, simply doing the right thing.

Sincerely,

JPO