To Whom It May Concern:

I first want to applaud you and your team for the years of marketing and research that has led to a line of products so ubiquitous and flavorful that it is indeed very hard to avoid their convenience or binge-snacking temptation. For who among us that finds themselves in front of an open bag, staring into those Ray Ban eyes, and wondering how Chester Cheetah stays so slim can eat just one?

And there lies the problem, these products taste too good, are too easy to find, and are too inexpensive. Something that tastes this good should be a treat for the rare occasion that begets an extravagance and not be the everyday indulgence I see all the time in the hands of children. It’s as if these kids can’t help themselves.

So I ask you to take the moral high road. Yes, keep your products just as tasty as they’ve always been, but put a cap on their availability and raise the price to compensate for the loss in volume. If people are as hooked as I think they are–and you know they are–they will still buy your snacks but with the healthy moderation that only prohibitive pricing can bring. I can hear it now, “oh, he splurged for this party didn’t he, Cheetos hors d’oeuvres. Such a host!  I just hope I save some room for the lobster and creme brûlée.”

Do the right thing.

Sincerely,